Why Am I Fat?

One of my younger brothers, Coby, is nearly 16 years old and is really slim verging on "skinny". He rarely finishes a meal and is the only person in my immediate family that's like this (so no idea where he gets it from). We have worried about his eating in the past but, you know, he's alive, he's not starved to death so he's obviously eating enough, isn't he? When we have asked him why he eats so little, he says "I don't like the feeling of being full". WHAT??? I LOVE feeling full and I HATE feeling hungry! I love food, all food, but my favourite is cake and chocolate. I always get to a point when dieting where I will have some kind of breakdown, it's literally like something snaps inside me, and I will gorge myself on chocolate and biscuits and cake and whatever is in my cupboards until I can't possibly eat any more. I'm unsure as to whether you can be addicted to food but it ruddy well feels like it! It takes over my life. If I'm not eating I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat next or tomorrow or what treat I can have at the weekend. 

As a fatty I have spent the last 10 or so years obsessing about my weight, struggling to lose it and always putting it back on again. I have read so much about the subject and used to spend a lot of time on a reddit sub called FatPeopleHate (it's been banned now, unsurprisingly) which was, as the title suggests, all about people hating on fat people. The reason I went on it mainly was because I was scared I'd end up on there (they used to target those who used hashtags such as #effyourbeautystandards #curvy etc and no, you didn't have to be obese to be slated, anything from a few lbs over weight and they would have something horrible to say.) But what I gained from reading their comments was how they felt about food and how different it is from my relationship with food. I'm talking mainly about people who have never been fat or had any kind of issues with their weight. Those who we call "naturally slim" and it's not always just because they have a fast metabolism, they literally just eat less. Whether that be because they have been brought up with smaller portion sizes or seeing chocolate as a weekly and not daily treat or, what mystifies me most, those that are just not fussed about food! There is a girl at my work who says that eating bores her and it is something she does because she has to. If she could get away with not eating she would. I just... can't get my head round it! 

I know there are people out there who genuinely have medical reasons why they are over weight which is really sh*t because it's harder to do anything about it but that's definitely not me (I've checked) so it's only me that can do anything about it. Ok I can lose weight, I know I can, but can I change my thought process? Will I ever get to a point where I don't feel compelled to over eat or will I always be a fat person trying to fit into a skinny person's body? It scares me that this is going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. I know people have lost weight and kept it off for years and years but do they always have to make conscious decisions not to eat bad things or does it eventually come naturally to them? 

A doctor once told me that I am an emotional eater and I think he's right. I always just say that I'm fat because I'm a greedy cow, which is only partly true. Emotional eating is where you associate food with good feelings. It makes you feel happy to eat so you eat. That is exactly how I feel! 

My favourite quote from this emotional eating article is:
"If you don’t know how to manage your emotions in a way that doesn’t involve food, you won’t be able to control your eating habits for very long. Diets so often fail because they offer logical nutritional advice, as if the only thing keeping you from eating right is knowledge. But that kind of advice only works if you have conscious control over your eating habits. It doesn’t work when emotions hijack the process, demanding an immediate payoff with food." So does this mean that I am over weight because of something psychological? If so, it can only be a good thing! It is possible to learn to control your emotions and overcome fear, anxiety, anger... so why not over eating?

I know boredom is my biggest trigger. If I am busy I can go all day without eating and hardly notice. I think this is why celebrities are so slim. If I could afford to spend all my free time shopping, I'd be sorted!

I'd love to know your experiences. How do you feel about food? Do you think you could be an emotional eater? Have you managed to lose weight and keep it off?